IN A NUTSHELL
- All Who Go Do Not Return by Shulem Deen (Graywolf Press, 2015)
- In 40 words or less: A rare portrayal of a former Hasidic Jew’s departure from the community and loss of faith.
- Genre: Memoir
- Locale: New York
- Time: Contemporary
The copyright page of Shulem Deen’s wrenching memoir has an unusual statement: “Disclaimer: This is a work of creative nonfiction. Many of the names, and some minor identifying details, have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. All the people in the book are real and the events described actually took place. ….” It goes further delineating other changes he may have made, not substantially altering the narrative.
I can’t count the number of memoirs I’ve read over the last decade. With each book, I’ve wondered how the author has been able to recount so many instances of daily living. Certainly with celebrity memoirs there are questions about what liberties may have been taken to embellish or airbrush out situations. What makes this memoir so different?
Shulem Deen is a writer and former Skverer Hasid. Most Skverer Hasidim are members from birth, with a large and extensive network of family members. Deen is the child of parents who chose an ultra-Orthodox life as adults, and not as Skverers. His father further distinguished himself by his teaching and associations outside the Hasidic world. This far from conventional upbringing set him apart from the community from the beginning. Glimpses he gives into his childhood suggest Deen was never one to easily acquiesce to communal rules, a personality trait that foreshadows his inevitable banishment from the Hasidic community and enforced estrangement from his family.
In the last five years there have been a number of memoirs, fictionalized accounts and outsider portraits of Hasidic life from the perspective of women who have left their communities for differing reasons. All Who Go Do Not Return is the first book to draw back the curtain on the details of the day in-day out influence of the Rebbe and his inner circle on the lives of all within the community. From the selection of potential spouses, enforcement of laws of family purity, decisions on who will pursue additional study and who must secure approved employment beyond the hall of study- it’s all there.
The intimate details of the creation of a family and its eventual dissolution are the most uncomfortable to read. The shidduch, match, results in total strangers starting up a household with virtually no knowledge of what a marriage entails – physically, emotionally, practically or financially. In the case of Deen and his wife, without an extensive family network or well-connected elders, their marriage started off at an even greater disadvantage. Even with the most supportive family, a select cadre of the Rebbe’s trusted provided guidance and made recommendations on everything from consummation of the marriage to how and when to pursue additional employment.
As the Deen family grew from one child to, eventually, five, the economic pressures to support the family on their own grew. To meet the demands, Deen became a tutor to young yeshiva students, allegedly on secular topics. He contends this was really just a front and that the governmentally funded sessions were dedicated to augmenting the boys study of Torah. This is consistent with the conditions currently under investigation in a number of New York yeshivot where it is alleged that the studies do not meet minimum standards for English, math and other secular subjects.
Eventually, the family’s financial needs required Deen seek employment outside the community. By this time he had begun to engage in forbidden practices: listening to the radio, discovering the Internet and very tame movies using a VCR and television. While he initially kept these practices hidden from his wife, she soon became suspicious and he shared the discoveries with her. These experiences made him more employable but only if he altered the distinctive wardrobe worn by the Skverers.
At the beginning of his exploration of the secular world Deen responds with curiosity and wonder at what he is experiencing. Over time he increasingly questions the legitimacy of the Skverer leadership and norms and his personal spirituality and faith. More and more he separates himself from communal prayer and activities. Not only does this place him under suspicion but it endangers the position of the rest of his family within the community. Ultimately he is forced to leave the community and expelled from all contact with the community’s members.
This book is a fascinating portrait of one man’s journey of self-discovery. In losing his faith he also lost his family. At times it is painful to read the details of the Deen family life. It is tragic when a loving parent is separated from his or her children. It’s small comfort to consider how unlikely it is that his wife or children will ever read the book. After all, such worldly reading is forbidden.
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